Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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