I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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