I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
