I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
