They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
