i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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