Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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