Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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