apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't turn off my feet"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
