He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
