That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
