She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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