Girls should come with a carfax report
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Damn victory sex feels great
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
