Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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