Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
