She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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