I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
