I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
