There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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