clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
