put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
