I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
