someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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