You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
