Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
