How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
