I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
