I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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