I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize