I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
