Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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