i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
