I wanna passion pit in your ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
