Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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