11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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