1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
