5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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