hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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