think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
