I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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