I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You smell like stripper and shame
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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