And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize