Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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