we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
