i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
