so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
