I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
