I'm jealous of your bromance
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
