he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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