I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dick very happy bro
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
