Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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