If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
