News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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