i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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