i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
