Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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