dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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