I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
