My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
