She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
