just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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