wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
