i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
