I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This house was built for laser tag.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
