he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
