I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
