my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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