There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
