true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
