He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
