pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my poor anus
I am one with the molecules
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
