Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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