my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
