Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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