You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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