Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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