I wish my penis had an off switch
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
