im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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