I just cut my nipple shaving
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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