at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
