Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
